Wednesday, 18 January 2012



I call her Luna – I don’t know what sex she is - she doesn’t have a body – but I feel more comfortable with the idea of her as a girl; and she needs a name since she is – in a sense - alive.

 How to explain? We are. We were. Twins. Gemini. Star paired in the womb. Fated to journey together. To be born together. Stella and Luna… only I was born, physically, at 9 months; at 3 months my mother, Natalie-Muriel, bled away a little clot of life and pain and caution kept her in bed for a week and everyone moved on, except Luna. Who refused to give up this chance of a life. She moved in. to me. My dark side. How do I know this? That when I hear her voice it is not my madness but another’s? well I don’t know, but this story is my explanation of her, us, to me.


In the beginning was Natalie-Muriel and she was the sea of consciousness and the snake said ‘Take my fruit.  You will be more powerful, more happy, more satisfied.  You will be able to create, have children.  Instead of living alone for eternity you will become the spiral of life and you will bear children and it will be painful but you will love them more than this man, this god, yourself, life.  And you will die but your children will colonise the earth from your man’s seed and your seed and some will find stony ground and some will blossom’.  And she said, ‘Yes, yes, I choose.  I want that’.

And man blamed her and she was guilty and ashamed and she could not talk to her man because he said ‘You did this.  You made me.  You nagged me into doing this.  Its your fault’.  And her heart said, ‘No, its your responsibility too’.  But she could not say that.  She turned inside herself and was bitter with her blame for herself and she did what every woman would do to try to make it right.  She bore him a child.  And after three months her first-born was a miscarriage - beautiful  in spirit - but she turned away from the blood and the pitiful clot and the loss and she felt - the world will not see this child I made and I may loose another and I fear it.  And she lay in her bed and held on for months until she birthed a girl; a little star, tiny and bright.

But the spirit of her firstborn was still within her - Natalie could feel it but she could not own it. She was grieving and she could not speak her to or of her grief.  She had no-one to share it with.  She thought she must walk behind her husband, smile and show her baby, cover her hurt... and the spirit went smaller and smaller and it hid in a cell. But the cell gave birth to another cell exactly like it and another and another and another.  And I spread out, but the cells could not be alive in the world.  They were not children.  They were not stem cells growing leaves of healthy plants in the sunshine.  They were reproducing in their own image and that image was full of frustration and hate and Natalie felt it and knew it could only be healed with love of itself and she could not give that love as she busied with her  history and her future and her man and her child.

I know this, I am Luna - I need to heal. Like heals like. A fractal is an image which reproduces itself.  Take a cauliflower, cut the stalk, cut each branch from the stem, line them up on the table.  Each is a smaller budding image of the rest.  They have self-similarity. I am similar to Stella, I will grow with her, in her, show her from inside what she can be, heal her… and when we have a child it will be our child and she will be beautiful and I will live for ever through her, through her people. So I traded skins, I left Natalie and curled myself up in Stella and my spirit sat in her heart and her brain and swam round her growing body, and in the beginning we were friends….

1 comment:

  1. Hi everyone!
    I'm so excited share this testimony here about how i got my ex husband back after a break up. I'm Clara 28 yr old from Califonia USA, Am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for who can help, doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 25hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text, the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to lose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also ok with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and takecare of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife clearable. Since then I was confuse don't know what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this Email: that I should tell he all my problem that he can help that was how i contacted he and I do as instructed. After 28hours and I have done what he ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle he also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted he am now 3months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man, if you have any kind of problem you can contact him here on his email: or call him +2348160153829